From tiny triumph to mental bouncy ball!!!

A little while ago I had one of those days where my blood sugar readings were reasonably well behaved. I don't ask for much, only single digits in m/mol (less than 180 mg) and all of the 9 readings I took that day fell into the single digit category.

Unfortunately, the trend did not continue, despite all of my best efforts. Now I feel like one of those balls inside the national lottery drum, being bounced around with no end in sight.

I'm bouncing from 7.0 to 3.6, from 8.9 to 15.0 (mmols) in less than one hour. My basal rate of insulin seems fine one day and then has a nervous breakdown for three. I'm exhausted from all the testing and scrutinizing. I try to only make one change in my insulin at a time because I feel if I make too many changes at one time it's hard to follow up.

I'm frustrated, defeated and just exhausted from being that ball. But I still get up every morning ready to do battle (people with diabetes are amazingly strong - aren't we?).

So, what am I going to do next? Well, I'm going to try and stay sane for the next two weeks until I meet with my Endo and then, hopefully, she see's a pattern in my numbers that just cannot see.

Support Groups for People with Diabetes in Ireland

Thankfully, since the take off of social media Diabetes Support Groups are becoming easier to find and peer to peer support for people with diabetes is growing.

Here is a list of what is available nationally in alphabetical order:

Diabetes Support Groups in Ireland

There may be other groups that I don't have details for and I apologize if you are not on the list. If you would like to be included on this list please leave your details in a comment below.

My history with dietitians

I was diagnosed in 1993 when I was a 20 year old student. I had lost all of my body fat by the time I was diagnosed; even my cheeks had disappeared.

Shortly after, I had my first experience with a dietitian. It was a long time ago so I don't remember much except that she put me on a 2,000 calorie diet and within a couple of months I had the opposite problem with my weight.

I knew absolutely nothing about my diabetes, or what insulin was, never mind how it worked. When hypos came on, my brain went into survival mode and just ate every thing in sight - none of this fast acting sugar lark. I really don't know how I avoided being hospitalized for either a hypo or DKA!

My second visit to a dietitan was some years later. I think my diabetes team suggested it because of my weight and I went along with it. This lady gave me advice such as to remove the breaded coating on Donegal Catch (the most popular and pleasant way to eat fish) and to remove the skin from chicken. I thought it was a bit unrealistic to remove the breading from my fish. If I was going to take that kind of advise on board I don't think I would be having fish very often. So, I completely ignored everything she told me and didn't see her ever again.

As you can imagine, I was not enthusiastic about dietitians.

Moving on to my third encounter with a dieitian and enter a new phrase "Carb Counting". This one has a name, Karen. Lovely Karen. This was 2002 and I was trying to start my family. I think Carb Counting had been around for a while in the US (where I was at the time) but I don't think anyone had every heard of it in good old Ireland. It was eye-opening and Karen was not giving me any lists of foods that I should not eat. She was working with what I ate, it didn't matter what it was. She had me fill out a food diary!!! What a new concept! I have never looked back.

Carb counting has come a little ways since then and I tend to use a weighing scales to measure my food instead of the US standard cups and I've moved on to developing insulin to carb ratios.

And thankfully, dietitians in Ireland have come along way too. They seem advise you to lay off the fats and refined sugars but they don't tell you "never". They're starting to focus on portion sizes of what you eat instead of elimination. They're communicating more with their patients. It's a new era and long may it last.

The tiny triumphs!

Today, the 8th of May, I'm doing a 30-second dance party, in my head, because all of the 9 blood glucose tests I did today were single digits!!!

I have to remember to make a day like today stand out because the other days will seem less depressing.

Driving in Ireland with Type 1 Diabetes

Recently, I read a story relating to a person with type 1 diabetes (T1D), who was involved in a minor traffic accident. While sitting in the car afterwards, they decided to check their blood glucose when they were approached by the gardai in an aggressive manner.

This person was very offended and initially I was too on behalf of all people with diabetes (pwd). But then, on processing the situation a bit more and imagining myself in it, I looked at it from a different perspective.

I imagined that I was the Garda, who did not have any knowledge about diabetes. Let's face it, most people who don't have diabetes don't know about it. Not an excuse, I know but it's a fact. And remember that the Gardai is one of the few remaining organisations that a person who uses insulin is disqualified from.

So is mise garda (forgive my terrible irish grammar), on the "beat". I come across a driver who has a small gadget in their lap, I might have even see blood. As a garda, I see all sorts of normal activity every single day but this is something I have never seen before. What is a normal activity for a person with T1D is not a normal activity for a person without T1D and with only approx. 20,000 people with T1D in Ireland (aged from 0 to 100+) how often would a garda come across this kind of activity?

My garda training kicks in and that is to consider if this person is a treat to public safety. I'm also a young garda which means I don't have a lot of people experience to draw from so I would probably be extra cautious. (this situation is totally fabricated by me and I'm making a lot of gigantic assumptions here).

I think that in a strange situation like this I would act first and ask questions when I had ascertained that the situation was safe to do so. What actually happened in the real situation here was that a senior garda came along and gave the young garda a bit of a scolding for his behaviour.

I know it was probably frustrating for the pwd to have had this experienced but also a missed opportunity. If we are to change the perception of diabetes in the general public and create more awareness we should try to use every opportunity we can to educate as many people as possible, one person at a time.

I've included a link to some practical guidelines for people with diabetes to consider before you get behind the wheel and remember the guidelines are not about making life difficult for people with diabetes but keeping us and others on the road safe. See the links below:

http://www.diabetes.ie/living-with-diabetes/living-with-type-1/what-else-you-need-to-know/driving/medical-considerations/

http://www.diabetes.ie/living-with-diabetes/living-with-type-1/what-else-you-need-to-know/driving/

Let's be safe out there! And stay calm!

Throwing in the towel is just not an option with diabetes.

I've had type 1 diabetes for 20 years and I can confidently say that most of that time I have been in a positive frame of mind about my diabetes and the future. And I think this went a long way towards me managing my diabetes well.

However, for about 18 months now I've been struggling with my diabetes control and the struggle dragged me to a place I don't remember ever being before. That place where I had had enough of diabetes. I wanted a cure RIGHT NOW! I really, really wished I didn't have diabetes.

I became completely frustrated with my diabetes and so exhausted from all of the decisions around daily management. I would go through that long mental check-list when trying to figure out how much insulin to give, how much and what type of carb I was about to eat, was I going to be more or less active in the coming 2-4 hours and even though I had considered everything I thought there was to consider, there
was always something I would forget to account for. It felt like the if's, but's and maybe's were just too many.

I became fixated on my blood sugar readings, to the point that I would close my eyes as my meter counted down to reveal my blood sugar reading and hope that the number that came up would at least be in the single digits, which of course it hardly ever was. 

Now that I'm in a place where the light can shine in, I'm beginning to think that it was really the other health related issues that had accumulated over the 18 months that brought me to the bleak place. We had two tragic losses in our family that had a huge effect on me and some of the every day aches and pains that come and go, started to stay around permanently. Maybe my diabetes was a convenient victimizer, something more visible than emotional stress. 

Thank goodness for my wonderfully, supportive husband and my gorgeous children, who without their knowing it kept me going.

I suppose that even though I felt physically beaten, mentally, I didn't want to give up. I started reaching out for help. I read my copy of Dr. William Polansky's "Diabetes Burnout" to give me ideas on where to ask for help. I finally went to my GP to ask for help with the other health related issues I was experiencing such as neck and shoulder pain that was getting worse. And I started going to counselling for the emotional stress that probably started this whole spiral of deflation. 

It seems that once I did those things my diabetes just bounced back into decent control. I'm still amazed at how quickly it complied and I suppose I will never truly know why it became so out of control. I still have a ways to go to get back to full health but my diabetes management isn't standing in the way anymore.