This week is Diabetes Blog Week which is in its 8th consecutive year. This is my second year participating. Diabetes Blog Week was started by and is still instigated by fellow type 1 Karen Graffeo in Connecticut who blogs at Bitter~Sweet Diabetes. This week is as a way for multitudes of D-bloggers (well over 100 participants from ALL OVER the World each year!) to share a huge variety of perspectives on issues relating to our illness. Learn more about Diabetes Blog Week here.
Diabetes Blog Week – Day 3 The Blame Game
Have you experienced blame and judgement from your healthcare team or someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger. Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had. Now, the game part. Let’s turn this around. If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself? Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us! (Thank you, Brian, for inspiring this topic.)
I tend not to judge the friend, acquaintance or complete stranger too harshly when the say something that doesn’t particularly sit well with me. I find when I use this moment as an educational and awareness one we both walk away happy… I hope.
However, I actually feel a lot of judgement from a select few people with type 1 diabetes on all that I do to manage my diabetes. I was reminded of this by these words:
“You know, someone at my work has diabetes and they don’t seem to have all the things you have to manage it. Maybe you should try to simplify what you are doing. You don’t need all of those things.” from Diabetogenic.
I immediately thought of a conversation I’ve had that was so similar but this conversation was with a person with type 1 diabetes.
It was during the time that we were organising the very first Thriveabetes Conference. We sent out press releases to every media outlet we could think of, and a researcher from a very well known radio programme called me to, you know, do research. I immediately launched into my Thriveabetes "Sales" Speech about the power of peer support in helping people with type 1 diabetes and why I believed the event was so important.
It was only when I talked about the mental burden that living with type 1 diabetes can sometimes bring that this person revealed that she was a person with type 1 diabetes. She went on to challenge what I had said by saying that she disagreed with my personal experience of living with type 1 diabetes. She did not feel that way at all. She said that just got on with it, diabetes didn’t get in the way of her life at all and she didn't think about her type 1 diabetes much at all. I did respond that I thought that was great for her but my experience and a lot of people I knew shared my views.
She made me feel like a failure! She implied that I was doing way too much to take care of myself and making a big fuss about an illness that she found easy to manage. I choose to believe her because I don't know this person. Who am I to challenge her about how well she manages her diabetes? But I felt I was not getting the same respect.
It was so hurtful! And I didn’t know how to respond! I think that I may have gotten her back up a little with whatever my flustered response was because we never got a call back to do an interview.
This wasn’t the last time that similar conversations have happened. But I now feel that I handle them better. I jump in straight away with compliments on the diabetes knowledge and commend them for finding their way. I express my mild jealousy on how easy they have it. If this person allows me to explain a little about how I feel, that should be all I need. I hope that this is enough to illicit a smidge of respect and understanding that not all people with diabetes are the same.
Thankfully, it’s only a few select people that I have had these types of interchanges with, and the Diabetes Community is overwhelmingly the best bunch of people to hang with whenever possible. As experience at the recent #SugarSurfingDublin workshop :-D