I know I have a positive attitude when it comes to my diabetes. But, just for a moment, I’m going to explore the negative feelings that might surround it. Why am I putting myself through this? Well, I met with my friends with diabetes recently, and we talked about all of this stuff – you know “feelings”. So I am actually dwelling on it a little and feel that in order to expel it I have to write it.
The first negative thought in my diabetes journey was just after diagnoses. I wondered if I had given myself diabetes, did I do something that brought it on or was it karma for something horrible I did in my past life that I didn’t know about yet?
Other feelings that creep in are;
The Burden. Ultimately, this disease is about “self-care”, which means the responsibility of keeping well & healthy is my burden. Yeah, I could share it with the people who are most important to me but why would I burden them? I feel I should be able to carry it all by myself.
The Guilt. Deciding to have children and what if they have diabetes too. I would blame myself and find it difficult to live with.
The Doldrums. The feeling I have when, no matter what I try, the blood glucose numbers are too high and I can’t get them down. I start to feel awful, physically, and then, start to feel awful emotionally, and the will to keep trying disappears, making it harder to break the cycle.
The Fear of the future. This one was a surprise to me because I think that when it does surface I quickly push it back. This feeling is all about what I have to look forward to; a life without sight or without limbs? What will happen to me when I get old and can’t take care of myself and have to depend on others? Do I put myself in a nursing home where the staff is not properly trained in diabetes care, or do I ask one of my children to become my full time carer?
So now it’s out there and I’m going to shake it off. I’m going to focus on taking it one day at a time; one blood glucose reading at a time. I’m going to find the stories of inspiration like that of Gladys Lester Dull aged 90 years and living with Type 1 diabetes for 83 years (from 50 Secrets of the Longest Living People with Diabetes by Sheri Colberg & Steven Edelman). I’m going to focus on the fact that there is always more to learn about diabetes, new medical advances every year to bring me closer to a cure and most of all, there are more people to meet with diabetes that radiate positivity.
It can be done!